One for all you men..........!

A man came home from work and found his 3 children outside, still in their pyjamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn around the garden. The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and no sign of the dog, walking in the door, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was on loudly with the cartoon channel, the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door. He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls. As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pyjamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, 'What happened here today?' She again smiled and answered, 'You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world I do all day? ''Yes," was his incredulous reply. She answered, 'Well, today I didn't do it........'

Kids! When your backs turned....

I awoke last Sunday feeling awful. The kids had given me a lay in (till half eight!) but I woke up with the worst headache I'd had in a very long time. Right across the front of my forehead was absolutely pounding. I felt like I could actually feel my brain pulsing, trying to push its way out of my head! I was also starving and felt like I was going to be sick if I didn't get some
food. So, I sorted the kids out with breakfast and then poured myself a bowl of cereal. Which actually made me feel worse. Everytime I moved my head the pain got worse. Now I've only ever had a headache this bad once before. I'd had it for about 5 days and eventually went to the doctors who told me it was a sinus infection. Nice! Any who, I'd forgotten about that on Sunday and I felt like my head would explode any minute. So I decided to go back up to bed, leaving the kids downstairs. Holly was snuggled on the sofa watching tv and Charlie was playing on the computer. Oh, and Mr. K was at work.
I climbed back in to bed and within 5mins my two little urchins had joined me. Only they wanted to jump on me! I DON'T THINK SO!!! So, I told them what's for and to let me have 10mins of quiet. They toddled off back downstairs. The last thing I remember before I dropped off to sleep. Was Holly asking if she could have a bag of crisps. To which I said yes.......

I awoke 2 hrs later to silence. All be it for the noise of the t.v. downstairs. Feeling a bit better I went down to find the kids on the sofa stuffing sweets. But on the table in front of them there were 2 empty crisp packets, 6 empty haribo bags, 2 lolly sticks, 2 kitkat wrappers, an orange peel and a stone from a plum!!!!
I just stood there for about 10 seconds taking in the scene before saying "right then, no more sweets for today then!" I guess that's what I get for going back to bed and not making lunch. When I told them I'd make dinner soon! They said what about lunch.......? My reply was after what you've eaten we're gonna skip lunch........